If you’re a sports parent, chances are you’ve seen or felt that knot in your stomach when your child gets passed over again. Whether it’s for starting positions, extra playing time, or praise in practice, favoritism in youth sports is real, and yes, it hurts.

I’ve been on both sides of this issue: as a University athlete and a mom watching my kids navigate sports politics and playing time. It’s never easy. But there is a way to help your child rise through it, not around it.

How to Spot Favoritism In Youth Sports

Not every coaching decision is unfair, but some patterns are worth noticing:

• Unequal Playing Time: Your child rarely sees the floor, even in games with wide score gaps.
• One-Sided Praise: Some players get constant encouragement, while others get silence or harsh critique.
• Missed Opportunities: Same kids start, lead, and shine—even when others have earned their shot.
• Off-Court Perks: Private sessions, extra gear, or social invites—but only for a chosen few.

If these patterns persist, you’re not imagining it, and you are not alone.

Why It Happens

Favoritism doesn’t always come from malice. Sometimes, it’s unconscious. Here are a few root causes:

• Performance Bias: Coaches lean on who they trust most, but trust often grows faster for those they already know.
• Parental Influence: Yes, some parents have sway. I’ve seen it.
• Personal Connection: A player reminds a coach of themselves, opening doors.

The key? Understand it without letting it define your child’s love for the game.

The Impact on Young Athletes

I’ve seen the sparkle leave a child’s eyes when they feel invisible. Favoritism can cause:

• Loss of confidence
• Resentment toward the game
• Quitting too soon

But here’s the good news: it can also build incredible resilience—if we guide our kids correctly.

How Parents Can Respond (Without Making It Worse)

Talk. Then Listen

Ask your child how they feel, not just what they see. Validate their emotions. Share your own sports struggles if you have them. “I used to get benched too—and it made me work harder.” (My kids hate lectures or pep talks – they love hearing how I failed and struggled)

Focus on the Controllables

Effort. Attitude. Skill. These are always in your child’s control. Celebrate these more than stats. 

Observe With Curiosity

Watch a few practices and games. Is it favoritism, or could there be gaps in your child’s focus or hustle? 

If Needed, Get Your Athlete To Have the Talk (But Keep It About Growth)

If your child is old enough, get them to talk to the coach. Avoid “You’re being unfair.” Try:

“We’d love your feedback. What can our child work on to earn more opportunity?”

Find Other Opportunities

If your child isn’t developing where they are, look into additional camps or training (like ours at Elite Camps). Sometimes, confidence blooms outside the spotlight.

What I’ve Learned Through It All

Favoritism isn’t fair, but it can be fuel. Some of the toughest sports seasons are the ones that grow our kids the most. 

They learn to speak up, persevere, and build confidence not from approval but from effort and learning how much they want to play and what they can do to improve.

That’s what I wrote about in Life is a Sport. Because even when your child sits on the bench, life is still happening. And we’re still coaching them through it.

Your Child’s Sports Journey is Bigger Than One Coach

Favoritism doesn’t get the final word—you do. As parents, we can help our athlete trainers to fall in love with the process again, not just the minutes on the floor.

If you’re looking for a place where your child will be seen, challenged, and encouraged, check out our Elite Camps programs. This game we love is full of life lessons, and I want your child to learn them.

Learn more about Elite Camps programs here:

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